Grudges Are A Waste Of Time!
This is an odd topic for me to talk about, I used to be known for my grudge holding. I would remember in vivid detail, About how you did me wrong ten years ago. Most the time the person who committed the act had forgotten all about it.
I made it my goal to remember; I made it my goal to make that person suffer for what they did as long as possible.
It was a game; Let’s see who can hurt each other more! Oh, you glared at me six years ago? Well, I”m going to make sure you lose your job and everything you love. Because once I do that… I win!
My mindset rapidly began to change when I started realizing the effects of what grudges can do you.
They Hurt You More Than The Other Person!
Often we hold grudges because it’s our way of gaining control over the situation in which we lost. It makes us feel better knowing that we can “hurt” that person by holding a grudge.
There’s only one problem. Holding grudges often don’t hurt the other person. Unless you carry out some action that affects them. Holding grudges hurts you.
In a way, you are just punishing yourself.
The stress of avoiding that person, The anger you feel when you see them. All of those emotions cause you grief and add additional worry to your day. While you may think it’s not wasting time or taking up resources, It is. Negative emotions are draining.
When you hold that grudge, That person isn’t losing sleep at night, Maybe at first. But for the most part, they won’t care anymore after a while.
They Won’t Change
I’ve held grudges in the hopes that I’ll get an apology or see some kind of remorse from the person.
People don’t change unless they want to!
I know people can change in general. I’m living proof! But I also know that change is hard Many people won’t make that sacrifice. Even if they try, Many people fail at change. Because it’s just that hard. You are better off changing yourself than trying to get others to change. I’ve dated people who did things I didn’t like. Like, Small things. So of course I was Mrs Naggy Girlfriend. Letting him know all about it. Sure I’d get what I wanted for a week or two. Then he was back to his same old stuff again. Why? Because He didn’t care to change in the first place. And habits are one of the most powerful things in the world. His habit will push him towards continuing that behavior. Unless he so desperately wants to change.
That’s when I realized that I have two options.
- Remove the Person from your life
Sure, This might be dramatic for most situations. But If you are dating someone who likes to kill animals, and you are so against it you can’t stand it! You are better off leaving. On the other hand, If you are with someone who occasionally forgets to close the kitchen cupboard, Maybe learning to deal with it is the better option. Maybe you can remove the cupboard door completely so it can’t even be closed or opened anymore hah! Then you both win!
Grudges aren’t necessary, People won’t change. Either learn to live with it, Or remove the person from your life.
You Don’t Have To Let Them Back In Your Life
That would be stupid. They hurt you, And you let “go” of the grudge and let them back in. Never feel obligated to let a damaging person back into your life.
A few years ago I had a cousin staying over. She was much older than me, In her mid-twenties at the time and I was barley 20. It was almost my Birthday. I was going to and from work like usual, and she was sleeping on the couch. I didn’t think much of it, But I couldn’t find my daily planner. I came downstairs to get my janitorial keys so I could go to work, And the lanyard holding my keys… Gone. So I took my keys and left. I came home later and saw that a few of my PS2 games were missing from on top of the Tv. I assumed my brother wanted to borrow them and didn’t think much of it. That’s when my cousin left to go grocery shopping with my mom. I asked my brother if he had my games. And He told me he didn’t. That’s when I saw my cousins bag on the floor next to the tv and decided to snoop a bit. Thats when I found all of my stuff. My other family members had noticed stuff missing of theirs too. So we got a hold of her car keys and popped open the trunk of her car, While my mom kept her distracted at the grocery store.
It was my birthday that day. And inside her trunk was over 50 items belonging to myself and my family. I was horrified. She took ridiculous items like my colored on, And written in planner! And my old lanyard for my janitorial keys.
It was hard for me to not hold a grudge. Each year on my birthday was a bitter reminder of how I was robbed by a family member on my own Birthday. She had even wished me a “Happy Birthday” earlier that day. I held a grudge for a few years, But later realized it was a waste of my time.
Just thinking about her right now as I write this, Is a waste of time. She isn’t worth my thoughts, my feelings or my resources. While I will never let her back into my life, I also refuse to hold a grudge against her now. She did enough damage, And if I were to hold a grudge, she could continue doing damage. And I would be doing it to myself.
You are never obligated to let someone like that back into your life. Don’t let them waste your mental space, Just let go and move on! Forgive them, But only do it for yourself.
Success Is The Best Revenge!
Whenever someone makes me angry, I work harder. Whenever someone does me wrong, I work harder! Revenge is a waste of time, It not only wastes your time But in some cases, it also can even be illegal.
But when you refuse to hold a grudge and instead focus on your own goals and growing yourself. Something amazing happens.
You can move forward at this incredible pace!
Those people will see how incredible you are, How successful you’ve become and in some cases, they may regret what they did to you, Even for shallow reasons. But success shouldn’t be necessarily about that.
It should be about you. SO you can be happy in your life. And get what you dreamed of.
When you hold grudges you waste time; You hurt only yourself. Just focus on your own growth and development.
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Originally published at steemit.com on August 16, 2017.